March 31

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! (Psalms 34:8 ESV)

So she called the name of the Lord Who spoke to her, You are a God of seeing, for she said, Have I [not] even here [in the wilderness] looked upon Him Who sees me [and lived]? Or have I here also seen [the future purposes or designs of] Him Who sees me? Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi [A well to the Living One Who sees me]; it is between Kadesh and Bered. (Genesis 16:13, 14 AMP)

On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being locked where the disciples were for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." (John 20:19 ESV)

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:15 ESV)

March 8, 2013 devotional

Save your best striving for seeking My face. I am constantly communicating with you. To find Me and hear My voice, you must seek Me above all else. Anything that you desire more than Me becomes an idol. When you are determined to her your own way, you blot Me out of your consciousness. Instead of single-mindlessly pursuing some goal, talk with Me about it. Let the Light of My Presence shine on this pursuit, so that you can see it from My Perspective. If the goal fits into My plans for you, I will help you reach it. If it is contrary to My will for you, I will gradually change the desire of your heart. Seek Me first and foremost; then the rest of your life will fall into place, piece by piece.

1 chronicles 16:11
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. (1 Chronicles 16:11 NIV)

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33 NIV)

God help me seek you more. Let you be the first thing on my mind. I pray that I will treat our relationship with the value it deserves and that I will learn to talk to you more as you are always here. Thank you that you care enough to communicate to me, on even the little things. Amen.

March 3, 2013 AD devotional

I love you for who you are, not for what you do. Many voices vie for control of your mind, especially when you sit in silence. You most lean to discern what is My voice and what is not. Ask My Spirit to give you this discernment. Many of My children run around in circles, trying to obey the various voices directing their lives. This results in fragmented, frustrating patterns of living. Do not fall into this trap. Walk closely with Me each moment, listening for My directives and enjoying My Companionship. Refuse to let other voices tie you up in knots. My sheep knife My voice and follow Me wherever I lead.

Ephesians 4:1-6
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:1-6 NIV)

John 10:4
When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. (John 10:4 NIV)

Thank you Father that your Grace and Love are gifts that I cannot earn. I thank you that your yoke is light. God I pray that I can submit more of myself to you and not the things of the world. Thank you for you steadfast unwavering love.

February 27, 2013 AD Devotional

Keep your eyes on me!!! Waves of adversity are washing over you, and you feel tempted to give up. As your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me. Yet I am with you always, holding you by your right hand. I am fully aware of your situation, and I will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear. Your greatest danger is worrying about tomorrow. If you try to carry tomorrow's burdens today, you will stagger under the load and eventually fall flat. You must discipline yourself to live within the boundaries of today. It is the present moment that I walk close to you, helping you carry your burdens. Keep your focus on My Presence in the present. Psalm 73:23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. God, you are bigger than my circumstances. You are in charge of ALL my burdens. Let me walk with you today in the burdens we face today God. Help me step by step to better commune with you and trust in you!

February 26, 2013 AD Devotional

Today's devo is definitely for me

I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold My hand in trusting dependence, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy-even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to The Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting My promises to care for you.

Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go.

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law. (Deuteronomy 29:29 NIV)

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. (Psalm 32:8 NIV)

God to you I give over my anxious desires. I give over to you my future. Guide me day by day as I dwell in your presence. Help me serve you in the here and now and not get ahead of myself. I love you Lord.

Feb 25, 2013 AD Devotional

Rest in my presence, allowing Me to take charge of this day. Do not bolt into the day like a racehorse suddenly released. Instead, walk purposefully with Me, letting Me direct your course one step at a time. Thank Me for each blessing along the way; this brings Joy go both you and Me. A grateful heart protects you from negative thinking. Thankfulness enabled you to see the abundance I shower upon you daily. Your prayers and petitions are winged into heaven's throne room when they are permeated with thanksgiving. In everything give thanks, for this is My will for you.

Colossians 4:2
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV)

Thank you God for this day, for my home, my friends, my family, my job, my breath, my health. Thank you for your Word and that the Word became flesh. Thank you Christ for living a sinless life and leading the way. Thank you for your sacrifice that we can't even fathom for me and for mall. Thank you God for your incredible healing and your unfailing love and faithfulness. Thank you for rescuing me and setting me free. Thank you for the plans you have for me that are so much better than my own. I love you Lord.

Jan 16 Scriptures

Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about cleansing rites, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so. It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned. Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are convinced of better things in your case—the things that have to do with salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, “I will surely bless you and give you many descendants.” And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. (Hebrews 6:1-20 NIV)

Jan 14 Scriptures

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34, 35 NIV)

Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” (John 14:21 NIV)

My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you, (Galatians 4:19 NIV)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV)

Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. (Matthew 23:26 NIV)

“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. (Luke 6:43 NIV)

Jan 6 scripture

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done. You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death.” The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, “I am trembling with fear.” But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.” (Hebrews 12:12-29 NIV)

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To God’s holy people in Colossae, the faithful brothers and sisters in Christ: Grace and peace to you from God our Father. We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace. You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on our behalf, and who also told us of your love in the Spirit. For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant. Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me. (Colossians 1:1-29 NIV)

Jan 3 Scriptures

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. (Matthew 7:7, 8 NIV)

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:9-12 NIV)


For relationships and teachers -
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. (Matthew 7:15-20 NIV)


It's about relationship not actions-
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ (Matthew 7:21-23 NIV)

Jan 1 2013 scriptures

So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. (1 Corinthians 11:27-29 NIV)

Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies will have their fill of poverty. (Proverbs 28:19 NIV)

Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue. (Proverbs 28:23 NIV)

Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses. (Proverbs 28:27 NIV)

Tis the Season To Be... Superficial

I don't often post too many posts that are vents.... but that is exactly what is about to happen. I am so tired of churches that are so focused on decorations and making sure they have enough garland and candles to make this season Christmas-like. Jesus would not have wanted HIS birthday celebrated by spending tons of time and money gorging on unhealthy food, buying expensive bank-busting presents and being so busy you don't have time to help people!!! My work is to set up blood drives to be able to maintain a supply for the community to use when they need it, something that 1 out of every 3 people in the world will have to partake in and with heart disease and cancer as abundant as they are, that isn't changing anytime soon! The times of year when the demand from hospitals is the highest are the Summer and December. During both seasons, more people are getting surgies, having accidents during travel and have more time to set aside for surgery, but in December people are trying to get in treatments and surgeries before their insurance rolls over. So, with that, you would think the community would bond together to make sure the difference can be made up; however, that is the exact OPPOSITE of how people respond! So, with many companies and schools being dismissed for the last 2 weeks of the year, and having 2 Sundays with 0 blood drives on the books, I figured churches would surely be willing to volunteer a few spots in their parking lots and a few announcements the weeks before and maybe a blurb in their bulletins... but you know how many have agreed in the 3 weeks I have been working heavily on this objective? 0!!!! 0!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine Christ saying, "no I'm too busy to help save lives" or "I can't give blood it will interrupt our Christmas play" or "It would mess up our decorations we have already set out". I think those statements sound more like something out of the mouth of the deceiver! Matthew 25: The Final Judgment 31 “But when the Son of Man[d] comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. 32 All the nations[e] will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left. 34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’ 37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,[f] you were doing it to me!’ 41 “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons.[g] 42 For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. 43 I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’ 44 “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’ 45 “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’ 46 “And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life.” As Jesus said here, helping the sick is helping Him! He says that is the difference in judgment! Helping the sick, the poor, giving clothes and visiting the imprisoned. I don't think He is being facetious here. In Amos it says 21“I hate, I reject your festivals, Nor do I delight in your solemn assemblies. 22“Even though you offer up to Me burnt offerings and your grain offerings, I will not accept them; And I will not even look at the peace offerings of your fatlings. 23“Take away from Me the noise of your songs; I will not even listen to the sound of your harps. So, how much does Jesus care about your bell choir, decorations, parties and plays? How do ANY of these things increase the Kingdom of God? What is this Christmas season about? I beliueve it should be about Giving, Loving Sharing Christ's Love and the Good News that is. Sigh... I am approaching the local Mosque and Mormon Temples this next week. I'm interested, and kinda scared, to see how willing they are to help in this crucial time.

Lust

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30 ESV)

In 750 BC Ahaz would close the door of the temple from worship of God to worship Baal. People really weren't caring much about the temple, but were more interested in worshipping Baal. So, they did. In these Baal-worshipping temples, prostitution would often happen. So, in order to make Baal happy, they would have relations with the prostitutes. It was hard for them to make the decision to sacrifice livestock and follow God with that sort of temptation. God also didn't want His people storing up to excess. He wanted His people to want what they need and not have in excess... So, they provided daily bread in the temples. Also, during this time was also the sacrifice of living children in Bin Hinon by allowance of Ahaz. Often kids would be slain and thrown into fires. Often the large metal Baal statues would be standing with arms and would be lit on fire and children would be thrown onto and would be melted onto these statues. The army is strangulating Jerusalem. Soldiers came and captured the king and slayed his sons in front of him and the plucked out his eyes. They put the pieces of the kids in the Gahena.

2 Kings 10:16-18


2 Kings 21:4-9
Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty-five years in Jerusalem. His mother's name was Hephzibah. And he did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, according to the despicable practices of the nations whom the Lord drove out before the people of Israel. For he rebuilt the high places that Hezekiah his father had destroyed, and he erected altars for Baal and made an Asherah, as Ahab king of Israel had done, and worshiped all the host of heaven and served them. And he built altars in the house of the Lord, of which the Lord had said, "In Jerusalem will I put my name." And he built altars for all the host of heaven in the two courts of the house of the Lord. And he burned his son as an offering and used fortune-telling and omens and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the Lord, provoking him to anger. And the carved image of Asherah that he had made he set in the house of which the Lord said to David and to Solomon his son, "In this house, and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, I will put my name forever. And I will not cause the feet of Israel to wander anymore out of the land that I gave to their fathers, if only they will be careful to do according to all that I have commanded them, and according to all the Law that my servant Moses commanded them." But they did not listen, and Manasseh led them astray to do more evil than the nations had done whom the Lord destroyed before the people of Israel. (2 Kings 21:1-9 ESV)

It is easy for us to give to ourselves over to a vapor.

We are constantly hit, from a young age, and are formed by what we allow ourselves to be influenced by. The flesh is weak, though the spirit is willing.

Aquinas wrote, "Man cannot live without joy; therefore when he is deprived of true spiritual joys it is necessary that he become addicted to carnal pleasures."

Lust is handing control of my body and mind over to illicit cravings. However, when our desire for sex takes over - when our appetites demand whatever they wish without commitment or care - our sexual longings step beyond their natural role.

Early Christians didn't dislike lust because it was immoral, they didn't like it because it was real! They also married young and by adulthood were married and had responsibility before 20, whereas nowadays we are having to fight our desires much longer to remain pure.

For thousands of years there have been monks and priests who lived in convents and monasteries of community of people who are desiring and choosing celibacy; which is way better anything experienced by Hugh Hefner or Jenna Jameson. They experienced the level of communitas and connection that lust was not a common struggle.

To have community, especially roommates and such, it helps keep you from passing boundaries and such that would cause you to sear your heart with a hot iron and your heart slowly become calloused and hardened instead of soft and malleable in Christ's hands.

Are we going to allow ourselves to live in the wasteland of the sin of disobedience in a funk, or are we going to choose to live on the mountaintop of joy in a place that is holy and pleasing to God. This helps us share and carry and bare our burdens and fulfill the law and orders of Christ. You need at least a friend or two you can talk to about anything to help be real and raw and have a place to bare your soul.

Job 19:25
For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God,
whom I shall see for myself,
and my eyes shall behold, and not another.
My heart faints within me!
If you say, 'How we will pursue him!'
and, 'The root of the matter is found in him,'
be afraid of the sword,
for wrath brings the punishment of the sword,
that you may know there is a judgment." (Job 19:25-29 ESV)

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of The Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of The Lord
and to inquire in his temple. (Psalm 27:4 ESV)

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8 ESV)




Early Christians - most lasting religious traditions, in fact - obligated to lust not because it produces ecstasy produced is a third-rate substitute for something real. Lust turns us from the hope of long-lasting bliss and offers us vapor, for we were not made to be mere animals who procreate and die. We are made to be so much more. Even if an evolutionary process produced humanity, God has created us for one more great leap out of the animal whims that birthed us and into the kind of life and happiness he experiences. Yet lust offers us a wasteland of broken relationships and illusory pleasures instead.


All this sounds like theory, but it's not. It is universal laws God has spun into place. They apply to all 7 of the deadly sins. The closer you are in community, the less a hold these things have on you. All this is not about YOUR works, it's not you trying to force yourself to read scriptures, that's from God. If you start FORCING yourself this, you are no different than a Pharisee. To live in a wasteland of your poor decisions is a Hell like no other... Don't be like this. Pray to God to let you live inside the grace only He can give.

Chasing Cars

Not that anyone reads this, but someday someone will and be bored and a little disgusted by the amount I speak of relationships and my shortcomings in them. This is about a very specific problem I am facing and just can't overcome. My mind is set to mill at this point. I'm about to go off to Arizona to celebrate the beautiful union of Brian and Amanda. I will be spending large quantities of time with Brian and Gonzo. Brian is engaged and will be married Saturday, Gonzo has been married almost 2 years... I've not had more than 5 dates with someone since 2009. Slightly embarrassing when you consider the realization and soapbox I have about how men need to step up and pursue. Well, here's the thing... I am completely aware this week will be a time with a bit of inward focus about my own journey of singleness and the slowly fading illusion that is my future family. I've had some many thoughts and expectations of how that aspect of my life would unfold, only to realize, I was wrong. 1 week after Brian gets married a woman I once thought I would be married to and had planned to propose to will be saying "I do" to another man. Is it hard because I have feelings for her? Not one bit... Is it hard because I was so ready to walk down that aisle with her after having announced my undying devotion and giving her my life... yeah... It is. But, honestly, that has not been much of plague on my mind... not at all... because, something/someone much more important than that has filled my thoughts. She has been a friend of nearly 8 years but I have held her in a much more elevated position. She is one I care deeply for and would give anything to. My desire to sacrifice and pour myself out for her is something I really don't understand. In my had she is, and always has been, set apart from every other woman. She makes me nervous. She oozes joy. The more the world and hardships crush her, the more Jesus is a spring radiating from her being. The more fire and friction she faces, the stronger and more moldable she becomes. The more she suffers, the more she shines. She is battling constant trials within her body and all I want to do is make the pain go away. All I want to do is serve her, to cause her to smile, to bask in her radiant joy. I've never understood what love without expectation looked like before her. I hope and pray that she is constantly filled with peace and God's loving comfort through this time. She is fighting cancer. Cancer. The jerk of an ailment. It's like that headache that no matter what you do just won't go away. It's that scumbag of a disease that prays on the weak and weary and takes the lives of precious children and tired elderly people. It rapes and strips strong, and happy people of their time, hair and liveliness. But, not her. It is but another catalyst for trust and joy. Instead of igniting a simmering depression or anger, it provides a smoke signal of God's grace and healing. Instead of sounding of a nagging alarm, it is a soft song of praise. Instead of a repugnant stench of discouragement, it is the sweet fragrance of faithfulness. But that is her... She is a daughter of the Most High King, The heir to His goodness and Love... She is a flower growing in the middle of the desert. She is poor in spirit, thirst for hunger and righteousness, is meek, and mourns for her Savior. She is Prov 31 and so much more. I can't help but to have a strong desire to cherish and encourage her. She knows not of the depths of my feelings for her. Would it mess things up? How would I tell her? If she allowed me, how could I pursue? How could I lead her? Have you ever seen a dog chase a car? What would one do if it actually caught one? That's where I am. Clueless. How could I treasure her like she deserves? How could I point her any more toward Christ? What would show her how special she is? How would I reveal my mistakes? How could I make her life better? Where do you go from friends for 8 years? How do you turn that friendship into a romance? How do you shift you mind, and her mind for that matter? I don't know what to do... and that is where my mind will be. Praying for her healing, praying for positive reports, but also desperately seeking the answers to these hypothetical conditions. We will see how it all unfolds and see how God leads, but for now, I'm just that dog with a dream of catching a car... afterall that'd look great on the wall right? We will see how God orchestrates and illustrates this plan of His.

CS Lewis - Giving it all to Christ

In considering CS Lewis' words about giving it all to Christ I really have to examine myself. He speaks of the paradigm of our desire to maintain ourselves and be morally "good". He goes on to elaborate saying the more we cater to our conscience the more it demands of us. Eventually, if we are doing that on our own, we will tire, live for others and become grumbling and unhappy people stealing others joy and expecting accolades for being "good". The reality that only in Christ is our old self put to death, and our hearts made new. So, through Christ is the only way to Actually do "good" and be renewed. It has to be by completely giving oneself up to Him. For me, I have difficulty giving up to Him my time. It has been a struggle since early in my faith. I LOVE reading the Word and spending time in prayer and study, but get so selfish in my allocation of time, that I neglect my first love. Christ says, "Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work. I want You.". Wow! Wow! I know this, most of us do, but it is hard to forget. I need to let Him penetrate and take over my life completely. I am His. In my personal life I have experienced the laziness that is expressed when CS Lewis states how the boy who waits until the end of the semester to really learn his stuff works the hardest. It is the same way with Christ. In the areas of my life where I think I can handle it, I end up struggling the most because I've not submitted them to God. If we are seeking to pursue personal happiness by being morally "good", it will end indubitably, in frustration. If we try to will ourselves to do what is morally right and good, we are always having to deny ourselves of our carnal instincts. As animals, we strive to survive. We strive to conquer. We strive to mate. If those are our natural inclinations, if we are just choosing to act "good", we will never be satisfied. Even the good we do is out of obligation and selfish desires, which will just leave us embittered. We have to DIE to ourselves and be given a new heart in order to have the Spirit work through us to make our lives "good"in a way where we will not grow weary of doing good. Being a Christian, however, is a costly thing. It takes dying to yourself, giving up earthly pleasures and our own natural desires and giving it all to God to renew us. Personally it has cost me being a dr, making lots of money, relationships, friendships, carnal lustful desires for things and relationships, time, ridicule, and being ostracized at times by people I love. I must remember everyday to wage against the world and remember to whom I surrender and to whom I belong. Thank
You God for setting me free from myself and the world. Thank you for loving me. You are worth the greatest costs and I give my all to you. Amen.

Why I'm Not Married

So, a few months ago a friend got married and at the wedding I was asked why I'm not married... What a question. Any of you who are single and past your early twenties have most likely been asked that. Most of my years I've kind of shrugged it off, given some automatic response like "I haven't found the right one yet", "God must be still getting us ready", "I'm too busy to think about a relationship", or "It's in God's timing". All of these are good answers, but I began to unfold how much of a mask these can be and I really began to ponder this question. I once heard a preacher say that if you are in your mid to late twenties and aren't married something is wrong with you. Though, I don't agree with him to that extent he took it to, I do agree that there can be things we are (or aren't) doing to make it difficult to move past singleness. I've personally crippled myself in the amorous realm by keeping myself too busy, not asking girls on dates, not being clear and upfront with intentions, having too many female friends and not going out and meeting people. Each of these are keeping me from having progressive romantic relationships.

Busyness is a way many people suppress (or just ignore I guess) their feelings and emotions. It keeps people from facing their reality face to face. If you are constantly going, doing and thinking about other things, it gets really easy to ignore the thoughts, the loneliness and the emotions that plague us. When you stop, slow down and take a breath, those feelings will often creep in. So, to avoid that, I, like many single people, keep myself so busy that I don't take time to really analyze and consider romantic prospects. Not only that, but it reduces the opportunity to try to develop those interests and meet new people. If you always have the feeling of busyness, it makes it harder to make time for others and to invest in relationships. Also, from an outside view if you always seem busy, it makes you less approachable and reduces the appearance of availability to those looking in. Slowing down, allowing for some flexible time and introspection will help me get to a place where I can spend the time necessary investing in others and myself for a chance at possible deeper relationships.

Not asking girls out on dates is a sure way to NEVER develop a healthy relationship. As the guy, a lot of the responsibility of the initiation of a romantic relationship is enveloped in the decision to take a girl on a date, continuing dates and beginning the pursuit. Christian culture has become so destructive to dating over the past handful of years. Books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and others have really left Christians confused on how to start a romantic relationship with someone. A former mentor and leader of the leadership program I went through in 2006-2007 has written a blook (blog + book) about a Method for Dating that I think is fantastic. It is the first piece of literature that I have read that really helps point Christians towards healthy dating and beginnings of a relationship. I've read this and it is changing the way I look at dating and relationships. I am choosing to read through it regularly. I really haven't asked a girl on a date, just a straight up date, since Stephanie (blegh) in 2009 (Wow, that was a long time ago) until I asked Amanda McKethan on a few dates this summer and fall. Now, with Amanda, she was an amazing girl and I think things could have really progressed had she not lived 3 hours away and I would have had a real opportunity to actually pursue her. I watched "We Bought a Zoo" on January 1st 2012 and was a little challenged to have 20 seconds of courage. That small of an investment will have one of two returns. A complete letdown of only 20 seconds (no big deal) or a complete success that could be life lasting. Hmmm... Sounds like an easy decision, right? It communicates worth, creates opportunity and is a doorway to unlocking life-altering connections with another person. So, why not? Rejection? Well, a "no" is just someone else's way of saving you time realizing you aren't compatible. So, really, there is no reason not to! Most girls WILL give a courtesy date after all. :) So, anyway, I proclaim, shout it out and WILL make more of an effort to go on dates.

The next step I need to make to be able to have a progressing relationship is be more clear and upfront with my intentions. Now, a former roommate of mine once told me that he decides within an hour of meeting every girl whether or not she is marriage material. He said if he meets a girl and find her attractive he is immediately evaluating whether he would want to pursue her or not. I am not that guy. He also is one who doesn't develop platonic friendships with women because he says it is "pointless". I've been told by many that it isn't a good idea to develop close friendships with the opposite sex because when you get married those friendships will typically end or change. I imagine those people are the same ones who don't eat because in the end it will just be poop (sarcasm). So, for me, I have lots of female friends and I deeply value them. I LOVE getting to know people. I ask a ton of questions and want to hear people's stories. Sometimes, this can be misconceived as flirtatiousness or romantic interest. Now sometimes, there is a little “what if” or attraction there, but I tend to not act upon that (as I've learned, all that is lovely is not good). So, it is easy to want to spend time and get to know someone to try to determine our compatibility through a series of interactions. If I am not clear, as I apparently have been in the past, it leads to confusion and heartache and that really awkward moment where a female friend decides I want to kiss her but am too shy to. That is a bad time to tell her I don't see us working out as a romantic couple. So, instead, I make remarks about seeing them as a friend and am intentional about the statement that if a girl want to know if a guy likes her, the best way is for her to wait for him to tell her he likes her, or assume he doesn't. If there is a girl I am interested in, I should be bold and let her know... after all, the worst thing that can happen is her not be interested and we both move on (and she misses out (; )

The next consideration concerning why I am I still single at this point in my life is that I surround myself with friendships with females. In all practicality, this doesn't HAVE to be a hindrance, and in many ways, it actually enhances my marriageability. Though, it is very easy to be lumped into “just one of the girls”, the “friend/brother” category, or even as a womanizer or too “safe” or effeminate. These are a diverse array of thoughts, but all things I have encountered. There is also the assumption that I get the female gratification and encouragement I need from my relationships with women. This difficulty usually turns out to be more of a problem for girls than my own personal hindrance, I believe. Because I am friends with so many females, there seems to often be a level of mysteriousness or differentiation that is absent when talking to me, as opposed to other guys. The problem with that, is friendships are usually formed on similarities, attraction to the differences. Many girls assume that a guy hanging with a group of girls either a. he Likes one, or b. One likes him. And, the kind of girls I prefer to attract are the kind that aren't going to step on another girl's toes to get to a guy. So, this could easily dissuade women. Regardless, I highly value my friendships with my female friends and will continue to have them, but will be more intentional to spend guy time with buddies. (Since I started writing this blog post that has taken FOREVER I have made a larger group of friendships with some guys. So, I'm no longer completely surrounded by girls.)
The final, and maybe most monumental, reason I am not married at this point in my life is I don't go many places where I can, or make en effort to, meet women. If you are usually surrounded by the same people, and you don't have/aren't seeking a romance with any of them, there is nearly no chance of developing a relationship. In today's society we are becoming more and more isolated with every new technological advancement. Because of this, we have had to turn to technology. So many of us work 50+ hours a week... or weird hours... and then, if you aren't into the bar scene, spend some time with friends maybe, go home and watch TV or play on the computer or whatever your interests are and we have little to no interaction with the outside population. Well, if you aren't planning to date within your typical social circle, you are in trouble. Work is not really a place to try to pursue someone, that's not very professional. So, we get on eHarmony, Match.com and PlentyofFish and seek out a cyber friend to possibly develop a romance with. This is not that bad of a thing if you meet through that medium and eventually in person. As for me, I've browsed the sites, but never really been impressed. There are too many uncertainties and awkwardnesses in my mind to pursue an eRomance. So, regardless of my presence on sites, which I've created several profiles, I've NEVER tried to pursue someone from them and don't think I will. So, I'm left with a need... a need to actually go places I can meet people. It is unlikely I will date within my Monday night Bible Study group. I spend my Wednesday's with the same crew... and often Saturday evening and Sunday lunch. So, I'm left with Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday morning and Sunday evening. I don't really have any options through my church, so I must seek outside of my normal schedule. I must intentionally go places I will meet other people. Events with intersecting (but not overlapping) groups, other Bible Study groups, feeding the hungry on Saturdays (I think that would be a great place to meet a woman!), Citygate and other networking possibilities. With that being said, if I will have just 20 seconds of boldness (as mentioned earlier) in a location where there is a chance to have that opportunity, my romantic life could be changed. As I finish this post... I see that some things have slightly changed over the past several months, but overall there are multiple things that have led me and suspended me in my current singleness. When I decide to make an effort and pursue the possibility of a relationship and am willing to do my part to make it happen, God will provide. I truly believe that all things are two part... God will provide when He believes it is best for us... I also believe it isn't best for me until I am willing to work toward it. I look forward to how God works in my heart to prepare me for the poor girl He has planned for me who must endure the huge task of partnering with me for life. I can say now as I see a bit of the man God is crafting me to be, that I understand why none of my relationships before have been successful and all HAD to end. I'm thankful for God's providence and over time will be working these things out to lead me to the front of a room some day... where a passionate daughter of the King will take the long tear-inciting march to the front of a room where I will be standing... shaking... knees weak, short-of-breath and completely humbled to be announced as her husband til death do us part.

Post-Wedding Blues

So, I shot a wedding today... and weddings always do... something... to me. It is hard to explain the kind of emotional pinball I go through after weddings, but this one kind of surprised me. I only kne w2 people in attendance and barely knew the bride... I first met the bride in College through livejournal (like 8-9 years ago) through our mutual friend, who is an ex-girlfriend (but an awesome one). We met in person at her college graduation and the next time we hung out was mid-October after the SFA / Sam Houston Football game. That night her now husband, (then on and off boyfriend), my ex and a few others hung out at a bar for a while and just talked. The impression I was given, was that she really just wasn't that into him. Little did I know they had both gone back and forth a bit... but she really just didn't seem that into him. Then, a few months later I get a message that they had gotten engaged and want me to shoot their wedding... so I agree which brings us to last night and today. My Word have they come such a long way. When I saw them 6 months ago I was sure they would end soon, and today I watched full of hopeful envy that I could have such a relationship full of love and sacrifice for one another. They really were just so sweet and had so much fun and it showed how much I'd like to have something like that. But, it still gets me that 6 months ago I wouldn't have believed it!

With that, It makes me realize a few things...
1. First, just because a relationship doesn't start off sunshine and rainbows doesn't mean it can't have a happy ending.
Relationships take time to cultivate, marriages take work to get to and to thrive
2. Second, I long for someone who is just going to love me and who wants to be around me and doing life with me...
Or, do I have to go back to the first statement and work through something?
3. I need to figure out what it is that causes my relationships to fail and change it
I'm 28 and single, there are obviously some issues holding me back...

It will be an interesting process figuring these out and getting all of this straight in my head...

but, for now, the post wedding blues will persist, unfortunately I feel I have no one to go through it with currently, which is sad being that I've been getting to know someone lately... I wonder if that is a good way of putting things in perspective. But, that all is another post, another day...

Loss, Love

Today was a tough day for me. The very first thing I saw this morning was a text from my friend Matt Ford saying his mother had passed away this morning. That kinda set the precedence for the rest of the day. It was really somber and I had a hard time even getting out of bed. I contacted many friends to let them know the situation and to share what was going on and spent time in prayer. It is so hard to imagine losing my mom. And for Matt, he was living there with her. Something happened the night before and she left in an ambulance and never came home. So unfathomable. I know their family has struggled a bit financially and have Matt's 2 nieces at home that they take care of so it is hard to imagine how it is going to be. Matt's dad is working and I am not sure where his brother is living right now... but Matt is on dialysis a few times a week and his brother is about to give him a kidney in April so they will BOTH be post op on a major surgery. I hope God can use me to bless them. Matt is a huge blessing to me and a great brother. My mom and I were talking about the friends of mine who've lost their mothers and notice that most of them have a son named Matthew. Random thought.

I just look forward to seeing how God can work through their family in this and provide peace that surpasses all understanding and bless them as they mourn.

Having been through a close loss I can understand what they are going through, but I can't imagine losing my mom. She is really my best friend and closest confidant and I can't imagine going through it right now... but, I know the Lord is good and sovereign and reigns.

Now, for my evening, God blessed me by allowing Caleb, Chris and I the chance to go commune together. We went to Wasabi and had sushi and sat and had sweet talk about God and just getting to learn one anothers hearts better and reflect on culture and our place in it. IT was a great time. Our waitress noticed us pray and came and talked with us for a while about faith and that was pretty awesome. Her name was Tana Brandon and she is a student at UT Tyler and has worked at Sky Ranch. It was a good time getting to chat to a stranger about Christ for a bit.

After that back to the house to watch The Aviator with all the roomies but Dustin, and it was a nice time to relax.

I hope that I can try to incorporate some of the things we talked about in my life. Trying to be counter culture and more like Christ in the way He approached everything. Not having the focus on the cool new "things" I want, but searching for ways to share and experience His Love.

Coe-mmunion

Nothing makes life better than great friends. Tonight, I was reminded of that. I went to work at LeTourneau University and we had a mediocre blood drive and I was trying to meet up and hang out with my friend Ann but it didn't work and it seemed the day would be just a funk. So, I was beginning to head to Tyler and I got a message from Jessica Coe asking if I wanted to eat with her and Cody... I agreed and I headed straight to McAlister's. We got there and had a great time. We just talked and laughed and enjoyed ourselves, and it was great. I miss hanging out with them more and really need to not take that friendship for granted and make an effort to hang out more! It is nice to have a couple that doesn't make anyone feel like a third wheel. I'm close to them both so it is just a great time of good conversation and lots of laughs!

Hi, I'm a Narcoleptic Insomniac...

Today was one of those days where I just don't have control over my body. My sleep has always been an issue, but there are days and time periods where it gets much worse... today was one of those days. I worked at Cayuga HS this am, then headed home. At around 6pm I fell asleep out of nowhere and slept until 9:30 or so. Sometimes I feel debilitated by this. Tonight, for instance, I had children's ministry practice. And, thought I could go, planned to go and wanted to go... Instead, I laid passed out on the couch. I've been experimenting with my sleep patterns and am thinking I may have shifted sleep phase syndrome. It would explain a ton... but I'm not sure. I guess I will have to get tested again sometime and speak with a sleep dr about it.

Blah

The Big D... ish

Today was an interesting day. I didn't get a ton of time with John this morning, got to talk for a few. I headed to Starbuck's in Bedford for breakfast and headed over to the Carter BloodCare main office. It was great with us all getting together, but the information we covered was the same stuff we have been doing Tyler since before I worked there. So, needless to say, it was not very entertaining. For lunch, we had about half an hour to eat. As the others all lined up at the tables inside to sit and talk about work, I realized an opportunity to delight in the beautiful day and the tables in the courtyard. It was fantastic. I plugged in the headphones on my phone and ate while listening to the Civil Wars. It was a great time.

After this time I headed to Arlington to meet up with Jessica Hazlewood. I arrived at the Alrington Mall and walked around for a while and had a terrible headache overtake me. I felt miserable, so I headed out to the car and ended up falling asleep, leaving Hazlewood waiting and searching for me for half an hour. When she finally found me we headed to CarMax since she recently totaled her car to look for something new. Erin Spain met us there and we had a great time searching for a car and catching up. I loved it! After we finished our tour of the lot, we headed to Chuy's for dinner and then I headed home. It was good chatting, catching up and doing a little life together. They are both sweet girls and I am glad to know them.

So then, right before I left... I was able to purchase 10 Tickets to The Civil Wars concert March 14th! I am excited! I was able to call a few friends and share the good news, it was exciting!

It was a good day minus the KILLER headache...

Valentine's Day... A Cacaphony of Mixed Emotions

It is hard to decide on a day like this what type of emotions to experience. I guess a little of everything. So, as far as the first thing on my mind... it is Paul's Heavenly birthday. 5 years ago he passed away and left us, but went somewhere so much better than we can imagine. Heaven is real. Heaven is where he is. Way better than being here. I was really thankful to see our family exhibiting more peace this year than ever before. I don't know what it is... but I do no a LOT of people were praying for us today. I don't think we will ever stop missing Paul, actually, I know we won't... but, I think we are getting to a point where we know he is with His Creator... in a pain with no pain, hurt, sorrow, or sin. Wow... How can we not be amazed. Thank you for all who prayed and Thank you God that you comfort those who mourn.

The other major aspect of the day is that it is Valentine's Day. As a single late 20's (now) male, there is a lot of pressure from the media and from most people that it is a day to have a relationship. Honestly, this year it really didn't effect me. It may have been one of few that did. For some reason, even though I was in the capital of VDay presumptions and expectations (a High School), it really wasn't on the forefront of my mind at all. I think I may be at a place where I can finally really say I am ok with not having a relationship. I don't feel lonely like that... I'd be ok if one came along, but it really isn't something I'm particularly looking for. We will see how God uses this time!

It was a good day though, despite all of that. Our blood drive at Hallsville (our first time there in 10 years) went really well, I had a nap and headed to hang out with John Brunett... had a good time with him and his lady friend Beth. She seemed fun. Tomorrow work in Dallas and hanging with friends. we will see how it goes!

The Party Don't Stop.... Til Everyone Goes Home...

Well, it was a great time of celebrating my birthday! And the house has been awesome with chaos, but everyone has now left. It is back to just me and the roomies. We were talking about what it was like having the family here and Chris, Caleb and I agreed we really seemed like a family. It was awesome for us to all just really share a little life. It was clear to see the difference in age and mindset watching the guys interact with my mom and the boys. At times Joel and Austin seemed a little perturbed by their presence, but Caleb, Chris and Dustin loved them being there. I guess it has a lot to do with place in life. I think us older guys are at a place where we really value and desire a family. I think we are getting to a point where we want a (consistent) woman in the house and wouldn't mind having kids to raise, influence and bless. I guess it is just a sign of our age...

It was great to have my family here... This am, my sister left... then mom, the boys and I went to church, which was great fun.... then we had Cotton Patch... got to the house, packed up, took some pics and they left. It was tough to see em go... but then I got a nap :) After that, a walk with Harley around Rose Redman while listening to The Civil Wars and back home, where Dustin had friends over to watch Seven Pounds. It was a GREAT time and I LOVE that movie! Every time I watch it I am challenged to do great things... I really want to look into kidney, lung and liver donations... we'll see how that goes!

It was a bittersweet day indeed.

And here We go

I have to say, a good celebration with friends and family is such a wonderful thing. It really shows me God's design for family. We had a great time for my birthday yesterday. It started by hanging with mom, Jayden, Lauren Doggett, Amber and Nyckolas. I'd hoped we'd be able to grab breakfast at the Egg and I, though it didn't happen. Doggett had to take off so we ventured to Spring Creek BBQ for lunch, then had some running around to do. Mark Martinez and his GF Ally Hall came into town around 4 and Jayden and I ran with them to Dragon Bytes, then to Sports Clips for a haircut... ran out of time there so friends picked them up to go to the house while Jayden and I walked over to Genghis Grill. It was a great time. Matt Ford, Cody and Jessica Coe, My mom, bro, sis, nephews, sis-in-law, Claire Brister, Sarah Giles, Mark Martinez, Ally Hall, Caleb Carter, Chris Hemphill, Austin Norville, James and Alison Jenkins, Esther Burns and Melinda Malloy all made it! After dinner we all (minus Mark and Ally) headed to the house and had cake and ice cream and cookies and talked and laughed and had a great time.

It was nice having the feeling of a community of friends and family. That is something I miss here in Tyler. Sometimes I feel our house is, but I think we don't have enough conflict for it to be a true community. I think too many people don't address what they think and feel (myself included) so feelings kinda stay hurt and people stay frustrated. Interesting to think about. If we do it now, though, how bad will it be when we all marry?

Today was a good day too. More time with the family, starting with lunch at Don Juan's. Then, we came home and got ready and headed to Bergfeld Park. It was great to go out there with mom and the boys and Caleb and Chris, but I ended up talking to Brian Elliott for about 2 hours on the phone. It was nice. It seems we usually don't have matching schedules and I feel out of touch with him often...
After that we headed to walmart, then home for a bit until we went to eat at Applebees with the fam and all the roommates but Austin. Ann Curry and her mom joined us for a little while and Ann gave me an awesome photo album and super sweet letter. It was very nice!

It is a blessing to have the friends and family I do.

Things to make 28 Great!

It's my bday... I'm 28... 28!! Wow! Gosh, I feel so old. Older than the many celebrities of the 27 club... wow...

It's hard to think about. I have clear memories of my mom and dad younger than I am now. I planned to be married and have a kid about now. Well, too bad. :) That is not where I am and, for once I am really ok with it. 27 was a good year, but a kind of weird, transitional year. Well, 28, I really feel as a full fledged adult. I don't know why but a day can change everything.

So, my list of things to make year 28 Great!
My 28th Year
100 Things to Make my year great

1. Read my Daily Bible Reading Without Fail
2. Spend time in prayer daily without fail
3. Do 25 pushups daily without fail
4. Do 25 sit-ups / crunches without fail
5. Journal Daily without fail
6. Do as many pull ups as I can 2x daily when possible
7. Take 5 out of state trips (Stillwater(February/March), Chicago(October), Havre(August), Louisville(May), Raleigh(June))
8. Take 1 out of country trip (?)
9. Shoot 6 weddings (Droddy, Swolley, …)
10. Build a photography website
11. Build a portfolio
12. Buy a NICE HD video camera
13. Read 12 Books (One a month) (Captivating, Mere Christianity, The Cost of Discipleship, …)
14. Learn Flash
15. Learn Premiere
16. Learn After Effects
17. Mate Harley
18. Ask someone out on a date
19. Apprentice under another photographer
20. Organize Help Portrait
21. Cook a meal for friends once a month
22. Catch up on Facebook Messages/Emails/Photo editing
23. Take my grandmas out for a meal just the 2 of us
24. Attend 6 concerts (The Civil Wars x2, )
25. Learn Light room and Aperture and pick one
26. Get an iPad
27. Get a new car (audi TT?, sports car?, convertible, Toyota pick up)
28. Go to the daffodil farm
29. Record 5 MyStories
30. Get a massage
31. Reduce debt/increase savings
32. Go fishing with my brother
33. Learn to play a song on guitar
34. Create a Blog for my future wife
35. Paint a picture
36. Pick up drawing again
37. Go skydiving
38. Go to 3 plays
39. Go to a symphony
40. See the Nutcracker
41. Decorate for Christmas
42. Get a raise
43. Scan in my old photos
44. Print out newer photos
45. Spend a 24 hour period outside
46. Learn studio type photography lighting
47. Run a 5K
48. Get to 185 Lbs
49. Get a Gym Membership and attend 3x weekly
50. Get my Hard Drives fixed / Checked for fixability
51. Find a Primary Care Physician
52. Give Blood When I can

100. Finish this list...

Goodbye to 27!

I've been contemplating doing a review of last year and planning for 2011.... but I had a hard time ever getting down to actually doing it... Well... I can now see why... I'm more interested in my 28th year than I am 2011... So, instead... I'll be blogging again soon about my plan for my 28th year, and hopefully will every year from here on forward. In reviewing my 27th year there were definitely good things and bad...

It all started with a white birthday. My mom, sister and nephews were in town... I worked a blood drive and it snowed... all... day! It was awesome! Friends came into town and we had a dinner with Lauren Doggett, Jessica Hazlewood, Cody and Jessica Coe, Jesse Garner, James Jenkins and his gfriend (at the time) Alison Krause, Esther, Tia and my family! It was an awesome time! The next day we made snowmen and played a bunch. And so started the theme of the year... fun with friends and family.

It was a big year... I moved into a house in Tyler with 5 other guys that I've developed brotherly bonds with, went on my first cruise in October, bought a professional camera, professional lens and lighting equipment, added 3 more countries to my life journeys, and got a dog named Harley. I experienced no deaths in my friends and family but lost friendships with several people... mostly due to not being compatible for dating...

I rang in the new year in Austin with Brian Elliott and Gonzo and have been a part of 2 weddings (James Jenkins in December and Chris Gonzalez in January). A long time friend and someone I always adored dearly was married (Amanda Baze... now Hall) and my half sister Sydnee graduated high school and moved to San Antonio with her boyfriend. My best friend from high school David became Dr and moved to Kentucky and my sister and her ex divorced. My brother turned 30 and him and my dad went on our first fishing trip since we were little kids. Definitely a great year.

This year I got a little healthier and lost 30 pounds. I also learned, any way I look at it... I love donuts. I swam with stingrays, held a sea turtle and sang and danced on stage in front of thousands. My friends the Malloy's, The Petty's, Heidi, The Reynolds, The Castillo's and I am sure more became pregnant and some gave birth.

I did not have a girlfriend, but considered it, maybe even came close, but in the end realized what I have wanted in a woman for years, may not be "just a dream". I began to see God's desires for me long term and to search for the creativity that lies within.

I learned that the way I seek God needs improvement and my desire needs to grow, but I do, love Him and want to be more like Christ and less like me. I'm lazy and undisciplined and waste a LOT of time, but when I'm not wasting time, I'm busy. I've learned what it takes to make the most of my time I DO Have and found the ways to get myself to focus. I Baptized my first person (Brian), and worked all year with the children's ministry at my church.

What a year it has been... and I still have 2 weeks! Thank you God that THIS IS MY Life!

Mom and Dad videos....

Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

Overactive Inactivity

I've come to discover something in myself I am really not liking right now. I watched the movie Surrogates last night and out of I gleamed a message... it was basically a bunch of people who out of fear, laziness and superficiality would link up to a computer and would operate these machine versions of themselves called "Surrogates". It allowed for military members to be shot and "killed" but not die in real life. It allowed all kinds of physical endurance and stunts by the average person as well as dashing good looks. Well, that is what our society for the most part really wants. A LOT with not a lot of effort or action put into it. What I have noticed about myself is that I prefer mind stimulating non-productive activity. I downloaded and beat a game that was very strategic and fun called Plants Vs Zombies. Sounds kinda silly, but it is strategic and fun. Then, yesterday I stumbled upon an iPhone app called GodFinger, where you are the "god" of a world and you have to take care of followers, tell them what to do, have them grow gold, build stuff and keep them happy. Sounds interesting... but is pretty addictive... I can sit and play these kinds of games for hours and hours. The same with internet and facebook. I can spend so much time busily looking at, well, nothing. Add to it some movie watching and TV Show on Netflix and it produces a lot of non-productive activity. I have a lot I need to be doing. I need to work on my to do list to tell me all I need to do. I'm a little frustrated with how non-productive I have been lately.

I've also been a little less social than normal and maybe in an overall slump. I am moving this next week and am excited/challenged a bit by that. I am super excited to be moving into our house and Harley getting to live with me again, but just going a little crazy with all that needs to be done for that... I don't think anyone reads this, but if so, pray that I can get focused, get everything I need to done and get out of this slump.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy set before Him, endured the Cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God! Heb 12:2

Drained

I haven't written in a while... been all over the place lately.

Life has been good... just more complicated than I like... I am a simple man and enjoy a simple life... that just hasn't been the case lately. It seems several situations have just gone a little hairy and dealing with it isn't always that exciting of the process... though I does make me appreciate the simplicity of my life.

A lot is going on lately and I'm one who typically feels others burdens with them (except when it comes to them being upset with me for some reason). So, with my sister going through a split up from her husband, my mom having mega issues at home, my brother being laid off, a good friend having really bad health problems, another having health problems, and some other stuff... I am kinda feeling a bit emotionally drained lately. In my own life I'm trying to find a new place to live, trying to work on pics and video stuff, organizing for the move, taking care of Harley, and such. It all kinda adds up. I need people who build me up right now and I am not getting a lot of that. I need to be there for those who need it and am trying to find ways to do so. Thankfully God gives me the strength for it!

I pray for God's clarity and guidance in my next steps. I pray that I will lean on Him when I'm feeling weak. Thanks to anyone who reads this and joins with me!

My new Prayers for Her Location :)

I kinda of have 11:11 seasons... I'll go months without noticing it, then all of a sudden... I see it all the time.

I have received some criticism recently about posting them to my facebook... so, I've decided to just move them to here... Maybe someday I'll be able to even copy them from my FB and Twitter to here... I think that would be a good gift someday... or maybe even a handwritten journal? I dunno...

The criticism I received was from someone who lovingly calls herself "Debbie Downer". She said they may come off adding a lot of pressure to any potential girls in my life that they may feel they have to live up to this expectation... I don't understand that because they are prayer for her not for what she will be like? Also, she said it makes it seem like I am desperately seeking a wife... something I don't want people to think at all... after all I am not completely sure God has one for me... I just know that there may be someone out there God has who may become my wife someday and to be able to put up with me, she needs LOTS of prayer :)

So, here they shall be... The great thing about blogspot is it will let me retrospectively time and date them for when they were actually written...

With that... my prayer for yesterday morning at 11:11 - I pray that You show her things to be joyful in all things you give her

And this morning...
I pray that you will give her a love of serving your people and your Church and that you will provide her ways to do so!