Friday, December 07, 2012
Tis the Season To Be... Superficial
I don't often post too many posts that are vents.... but that is exactly what is about to happen. I am so tired of churches that are so focused on decorations and making sure they have enough garland and candles to make this season Christmas-like. Jesus would not have wanted HIS birthday celebrated by spending tons of time and money gorging on unhealthy food, buying expensive bank-busting presents and being so busy you don't have time to help people!!! My work is to set up blood drives to be able to maintain a supply for the community to use when they need it, something that 1 out of every 3 people in the world will have to partake in and with heart disease and cancer as abundant as they are, that isn't changing anytime soon! The times of year when the demand from hospitals is the highest are the Summer and December. During both seasons, more people are getting surgies, having accidents during travel and have more time to set aside for surgery, but in December people are trying to get in treatments and surgeries before their insurance rolls over. So, with that, you would think the community would bond together to make sure the difference can be made up; however, that is the exact OPPOSITE of how people respond! So, with many companies and schools being dismissed for the last 2 weeks of the year, and having 2 Sundays with 0 blood drives on the books, I figured churches would surely be willing to volunteer a few spots in their parking lots and a few announcements the weeks before and maybe a blurb in their bulletins... but you know how many have agreed in the 3 weeks I have been working heavily on this objective? 0!!!! 0!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine Christ saying, "no I'm too busy to help save lives" or "I can't give blood it will interrupt our Christmas play" or "It would mess up our decorations we have already set out". I think those statements sound more like something out of the mouth of the deceiver!
Matthew 25:
The Final Judgment
31 “But when the Son of Man[d] comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. 32 All the nations[e] will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,[f] you were doing it to me!’
41 “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons.[g] 42 For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. 43 I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’
44 “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’
45 “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’
46 “And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life.”
As Jesus said here, helping the sick is helping Him! He says that is the difference in judgment! Helping the sick, the poor, giving clothes and visiting the imprisoned. I don't think He is being facetious here.
In Amos it says
21“I hate, I reject your festivals,
Nor do I delight in your solemn assemblies.
22“Even though you offer up to Me burnt offerings and your grain offerings,
I will not accept them;
And I will not even look at the peace offerings of your fatlings.
23“Take away from Me the noise of your songs;
I will not even listen to the sound of your harps.
So, how much does Jesus care about your bell choir, decorations, parties and plays? How do ANY of these things increase the Kingdom of God?
What is this Christmas season about? I beliueve it should be about Giving, Loving Sharing Christ's Love and the Good News that is. Sigh...
I am approaching the local Mosque and Mormon Temples this next week. I'm interested, and kinda scared, to see how willing they are to help in this crucial time.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Lust
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30 ESV)
In 750 BC Ahaz would close the door of the temple from worship of God to worship Baal. People really weren't caring much about the temple, but were more interested in worshipping Baal. So, they did. In these Baal-worshipping temples, prostitution would often happen. So, in order to make Baal happy, they would have relations with the prostitutes. It was hard for them to make the decision to sacrifice livestock and follow God with that sort of temptation. God also didn't want His people storing up to excess. He wanted His people to want what they need and not have in excess... So, they provided daily bread in the temples. Also, during this time was also the sacrifice of living children in Bin Hinon by allowance of Ahaz. Often kids would be slain and thrown into fires. Often the large metal Baal statues would be standing with arms and would be lit on fire and children would be thrown onto and would be melted onto these statues. The army is strangulating Jerusalem. Soldiers came and captured the king and slayed his sons in front of him and the plucked out his eyes. They put the pieces of the kids in the Gahena.
2 Kings 10:16-18
2 Kings 21:4-9
Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty-five years in Jerusalem. His mother's name was Hephzibah. And he did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, according to the despicable practices of the nations whom the Lord drove out before the people of Israel. For he rebuilt the high places that Hezekiah his father had destroyed, and he erected altars for Baal and made an Asherah, as Ahab king of Israel had done, and worshiped all the host of heaven and served them. And he built altars in the house of the Lord, of which the Lord had said, "In Jerusalem will I put my name." And he built altars for all the host of heaven in the two courts of the house of the Lord. And he burned his son as an offering and used fortune-telling and omens and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the Lord, provoking him to anger. And the carved image of Asherah that he had made he set in the house of which the Lord said to David and to Solomon his son, "In this house, and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, I will put my name forever. And I will not cause the feet of Israel to wander anymore out of the land that I gave to their fathers, if only they will be careful to do according to all that I have commanded them, and according to all the Law that my servant Moses commanded them." But they did not listen, and Manasseh led them astray to do more evil than the nations had done whom the Lord destroyed before the people of Israel. (2 Kings 21:1-9 ESV)
It is easy for us to give to ourselves over to a vapor.
We are constantly hit, from a young age, and are formed by what we allow ourselves to be influenced by. The flesh is weak, though the spirit is willing.
Aquinas wrote, "Man cannot live without joy; therefore when he is deprived of true spiritual joys it is necessary that he become addicted to carnal pleasures."
Lust is handing control of my body and mind over to illicit cravings. However, when our desire for sex takes over - when our appetites demand whatever they wish without commitment or care - our sexual longings step beyond their natural role.
Early Christians didn't dislike lust because it was immoral, they didn't like it because it was real! They also married young and by adulthood were married and had responsibility before 20, whereas nowadays we are having to fight our desires much longer to remain pure.
For thousands of years there have been monks and priests who lived in convents and monasteries of community of people who are desiring and choosing celibacy; which is way better anything experienced by Hugh Hefner or Jenna Jameson. They experienced the level of communitas and connection that lust was not a common struggle.
To have community, especially roommates and such, it helps keep you from passing boundaries and such that would cause you to sear your heart with a hot iron and your heart slowly become calloused and hardened instead of soft and malleable in Christ's hands.
Are we going to allow ourselves to live in the wasteland of the sin of disobedience in a funk, or are we going to choose to live on the mountaintop of joy in a place that is holy and pleasing to God. This helps us share and carry and bare our burdens and fulfill the law and orders of Christ. You need at least a friend or two you can talk to about anything to help be real and raw and have a place to bare your soul.
Job 19:25
For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God,
whom I shall see for myself,
and my eyes shall behold, and not another.
My heart faints within me!
If you say, 'How we will pursue him!'
and, 'The root of the matter is found in him,'
be afraid of the sword,
for wrath brings the punishment of the sword,
that you may know there is a judgment." (Job 19:25-29 ESV)
One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of The Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of The Lord
and to inquire in his temple. (Psalm 27:4 ESV)
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8 ESV)
Early Christians - most lasting religious traditions, in fact - obligated to lust not because it produces ecstasy produced is a third-rate substitute for something real. Lust turns us from the hope of long-lasting bliss and offers us vapor, for we were not made to be mere animals who procreate and die. We are made to be so much more. Even if an evolutionary process produced humanity, God has created us for one more great leap out of the animal whims that birthed us and into the kind of life and happiness he experiences. Yet lust offers us a wasteland of broken relationships and illusory pleasures instead.
All this sounds like theory, but it's not. It is universal laws God has spun into place. They apply to all 7 of the deadly sins. The closer you are in community, the less a hold these things have on you. All this is not about YOUR works, it's not you trying to force yourself to read scriptures, that's from God. If you start FORCING yourself this, you are no different than a Pharisee. To live in a wasteland of your poor decisions is a Hell like no other... Don't be like this. Pray to God to let you live inside the grace only He can give.
In 750 BC Ahaz would close the door of the temple from worship of God to worship Baal. People really weren't caring much about the temple, but were more interested in worshipping Baal. So, they did. In these Baal-worshipping temples, prostitution would often happen. So, in order to make Baal happy, they would have relations with the prostitutes. It was hard for them to make the decision to sacrifice livestock and follow God with that sort of temptation. God also didn't want His people storing up to excess. He wanted His people to want what they need and not have in excess... So, they provided daily bread in the temples. Also, during this time was also the sacrifice of living children in Bin Hinon by allowance of Ahaz. Often kids would be slain and thrown into fires. Often the large metal Baal statues would be standing with arms and would be lit on fire and children would be thrown onto and would be melted onto these statues. The army is strangulating Jerusalem. Soldiers came and captured the king and slayed his sons in front of him and the plucked out his eyes. They put the pieces of the kids in the Gahena.
2 Kings 10:16-18
2 Kings 21:4-9
Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty-five years in Jerusalem. His mother's name was Hephzibah. And he did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, according to the despicable practices of the nations whom the Lord drove out before the people of Israel. For he rebuilt the high places that Hezekiah his father had destroyed, and he erected altars for Baal and made an Asherah, as Ahab king of Israel had done, and worshiped all the host of heaven and served them. And he built altars in the house of the Lord, of which the Lord had said, "In Jerusalem will I put my name." And he built altars for all the host of heaven in the two courts of the house of the Lord. And he burned his son as an offering and used fortune-telling and omens and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the Lord, provoking him to anger. And the carved image of Asherah that he had made he set in the house of which the Lord said to David and to Solomon his son, "In this house, and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, I will put my name forever. And I will not cause the feet of Israel to wander anymore out of the land that I gave to their fathers, if only they will be careful to do according to all that I have commanded them, and according to all the Law that my servant Moses commanded them." But they did not listen, and Manasseh led them astray to do more evil than the nations had done whom the Lord destroyed before the people of Israel. (2 Kings 21:1-9 ESV)
It is easy for us to give to ourselves over to a vapor.
We are constantly hit, from a young age, and are formed by what we allow ourselves to be influenced by. The flesh is weak, though the spirit is willing.
Aquinas wrote, "Man cannot live without joy; therefore when he is deprived of true spiritual joys it is necessary that he become addicted to carnal pleasures."
Lust is handing control of my body and mind over to illicit cravings. However, when our desire for sex takes over - when our appetites demand whatever they wish without commitment or care - our sexual longings step beyond their natural role.
Early Christians didn't dislike lust because it was immoral, they didn't like it because it was real! They also married young and by adulthood were married and had responsibility before 20, whereas nowadays we are having to fight our desires much longer to remain pure.
For thousands of years there have been monks and priests who lived in convents and monasteries of community of people who are desiring and choosing celibacy; which is way better anything experienced by Hugh Hefner or Jenna Jameson. They experienced the level of communitas and connection that lust was not a common struggle.
To have community, especially roommates and such, it helps keep you from passing boundaries and such that would cause you to sear your heart with a hot iron and your heart slowly become calloused and hardened instead of soft and malleable in Christ's hands.
Are we going to allow ourselves to live in the wasteland of the sin of disobedience in a funk, or are we going to choose to live on the mountaintop of joy in a place that is holy and pleasing to God. This helps us share and carry and bare our burdens and fulfill the law and orders of Christ. You need at least a friend or two you can talk to about anything to help be real and raw and have a place to bare your soul.
Job 19:25
For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God,
whom I shall see for myself,
and my eyes shall behold, and not another.
My heart faints within me!
If you say, 'How we will pursue him!'
and, 'The root of the matter is found in him,'
be afraid of the sword,
for wrath brings the punishment of the sword,
that you may know there is a judgment." (Job 19:25-29 ESV)
One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of The Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of The Lord
and to inquire in his temple. (Psalm 27:4 ESV)
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8 ESV)
Early Christians - most lasting religious traditions, in fact - obligated to lust not because it produces ecstasy produced is a third-rate substitute for something real. Lust turns us from the hope of long-lasting bliss and offers us vapor, for we were not made to be mere animals who procreate and die. We are made to be so much more. Even if an evolutionary process produced humanity, God has created us for one more great leap out of the animal whims that birthed us and into the kind of life and happiness he experiences. Yet lust offers us a wasteland of broken relationships and illusory pleasures instead.
All this sounds like theory, but it's not. It is universal laws God has spun into place. They apply to all 7 of the deadly sins. The closer you are in community, the less a hold these things have on you. All this is not about YOUR works, it's not you trying to force yourself to read scriptures, that's from God. If you start FORCING yourself this, you are no different than a Pharisee. To live in a wasteland of your poor decisions is a Hell like no other... Don't be like this. Pray to God to let you live inside the grace only He can give.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Chasing Cars
Not that anyone reads this, but someday someone will and be bored and a little disgusted by the amount I speak of relationships and my shortcomings in them. This is about a very specific problem I am facing and just can't overcome. My mind is set to mill at this point. I'm about to go off to Arizona to celebrate the beautiful union of Brian and Amanda. I will be spending large quantities of time with Brian and Gonzo. Brian is engaged and will be married Saturday, Gonzo has been married almost 2 years... I've not had more than 5 dates with someone since 2009. Slightly embarrassing when you consider the realization and soapbox I have about how men need to step up and pursue. Well, here's the thing... I am completely aware this week will be a time with a bit of inward focus about my own journey of singleness and the slowly fading illusion that is my future family. I've had some many thoughts and expectations of how that aspect of my life would unfold, only to realize, I was wrong.
1 week after Brian gets married a woman I once thought I would be married to and had planned to propose to will be saying "I do" to another man. Is it hard because I have feelings for her? Not one bit... Is it hard because I was so ready to walk down that aisle with her after having announced my undying devotion and giving her my life... yeah... It is. But, honestly, that has not been much of plague on my mind... not at all... because, something/someone much more important than that has filled my thoughts.
She has been a friend of nearly 8 years but I have held her in a much more elevated position. She is one I care deeply for and would give anything to. My desire to sacrifice and pour myself out for her is something I really don't understand. In my had she is, and always has been, set apart from every other woman. She makes me nervous. She oozes joy. The more the world and hardships crush her, the more Jesus is a spring radiating from her being. The more fire and friction she faces, the stronger and more moldable she becomes. The more she suffers, the more she shines. She is battling constant trials within her body and all I want to do is make the pain go away. All I want to do is serve her, to cause her to smile, to bask in her radiant joy. I've never understood what love without expectation looked like before her. I hope and pray that she is constantly filled with peace and God's loving comfort through this time. She is fighting cancer. Cancer. The jerk of an ailment. It's like that headache that no matter what you do just won't go away. It's that scumbag of a disease that prays on the weak and weary and takes the lives of precious children and tired elderly people. It rapes and strips strong, and happy people of their time, hair and liveliness. But, not her. It is but another catalyst for trust and joy. Instead of igniting a simmering depression or anger, it provides a smoke signal of God's grace and healing. Instead of sounding of a nagging alarm, it is a soft song of praise. Instead of a repugnant stench of discouragement, it is the sweet fragrance of faithfulness. But that is her... She is a daughter of the Most High King, The heir to His goodness and Love... She is a flower growing in the middle of the desert. She is poor in spirit, thirst for hunger and righteousness, is meek, and mourns for her Savior. She is Prov 31 and so much more. I can't help but to have a strong desire to cherish and encourage her. She knows not of the depths of my feelings for her. Would it mess things up? How would I tell her? If she allowed me, how could I pursue? How could I lead her? Have you ever seen a dog chase a car? What would one do if it actually caught one? That's where I am. Clueless. How could I treasure her like she deserves? How could I point her any more toward Christ? What would show her how special she is? How would I reveal my mistakes? How could I make her life better? Where do you go from friends for 8 years? How do you turn that friendship into a romance? How do you shift you mind, and her mind for that matter? I don't know what to do... and that is where my mind will be. Praying for her healing, praying for positive reports, but also desperately seeking the answers to these hypothetical conditions. We will see how it all unfolds and see how God leads, but for now, I'm just that dog with a dream of catching a car... afterall that'd look great on the wall right? We will see how God orchestrates and illustrates this plan of His.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
CS Lewis - Giving it all to Christ
In considering CS Lewis' words about giving it all to Christ I really have to examine myself. He speaks of the paradigm of our desire to maintain ourselves and be morally "good". He goes on to elaborate saying the more we cater to our conscience the more it demands of us. Eventually, if we are doing that on our own, we will tire, live for others and become grumbling and unhappy people stealing others joy and expecting accolades for being "good". The reality that only in Christ is our old self put to death, and our hearts made new. So, through Christ is the only way to Actually do "good" and be renewed. It has to be by completely giving oneself up to Him. For me, I have difficulty giving up to Him my time. It has been a struggle since early in my faith. I LOVE reading the Word and spending time in prayer and study, but get so selfish in my allocation of time, that I neglect my first love. Christ says, "Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work. I want You.". Wow! Wow! I know this, most of us do, but it is hard to forget. I need to let Him penetrate and take over my life completely. I am His. In my personal life I have experienced the laziness that is expressed when CS Lewis states how the boy who waits until the end of the semester to really learn his stuff works the hardest. It is the same way with Christ. In the areas of my life where I think I can handle it, I end up struggling the most because I've not submitted them to God. If we are seeking to pursue personal happiness by being morally "good", it will end indubitably, in frustration. If we try to will ourselves to do what is morally right and good, we are always having to deny ourselves of our carnal instincts. As animals, we strive to survive. We strive to conquer. We strive to mate. If those are our natural inclinations, if we are just choosing to act "good", we will never be satisfied. Even the good we do is out of obligation and selfish desires, which will just leave us embittered. We have to DIE to ourselves and be given a new heart in order to have the Spirit work through us to make our lives "good"in a way where we will not grow weary of doing good. Being a Christian, however, is a costly thing. It takes dying to yourself, giving up earthly pleasures and our own natural desires and giving it all to God to renew us. Personally it has cost me being a dr, making lots of money, relationships, friendships, carnal lustful desires for things and relationships, time, ridicule, and being ostracized at times by people I love. I must remember everyday to wage against the world and remember to whom I surrender and to whom I belong. Thank
You God for setting me free from myself and the world. Thank you for loving me. You are worth the greatest costs and I give my all to you. Amen.
You God for setting me free from myself and the world. Thank you for loving me. You are worth the greatest costs and I give my all to you. Amen.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Why I'm Not Married
So, a few months ago a friend got married and at the wedding I was asked why I'm not married... What a question. Any of you who are single and past your early twenties have most likely been asked that. Most of my years I've kind of shrugged it off, given some automatic response like "I haven't found the right one yet", "God must be still getting us ready", "I'm too busy to think about a relationship", or "It's in God's timing". All of these are good answers, but I began to unfold how much of a mask these can be and I really began to ponder this question. I once heard a preacher say that if you are in your mid to late twenties and aren't married something is wrong with you. Though, I don't agree with him to that extent he took it to, I do agree that there can be things we are (or aren't) doing to make it difficult to move past singleness. I've personally crippled myself in the amorous realm by keeping myself too busy, not asking girls on dates, not being clear and upfront with intentions, having too many female friends and not going out and meeting people. Each of these are keeping me from having progressive romantic relationships.
Busyness is a way many people suppress (or just ignore I guess) their feelings and emotions. It keeps people from facing their reality face to face. If you are constantly going, doing and thinking about other things, it gets really easy to ignore the thoughts, the loneliness and the emotions that plague us. When you stop, slow down and take a breath, those feelings will often creep in. So, to avoid that, I, like many single people, keep myself so busy that I don't take time to really analyze and consider romantic prospects. Not only that, but it reduces the opportunity to try to develop those interests and meet new people. If you always have the feeling of busyness, it makes it harder to make time for others and to invest in relationships. Also, from an outside view if you always seem busy, it makes you less approachable and reduces the appearance of availability to those looking in. Slowing down, allowing for some flexible time and introspection will help me get to a place where I can spend the time necessary investing in others and myself for a chance at possible deeper relationships.
Not asking girls out on dates is a sure way to NEVER develop a healthy relationship. As the guy, a lot of the responsibility of the initiation of a romantic relationship is enveloped in the decision to take a girl on a date, continuing dates and beginning the pursuit. Christian culture has become so destructive to dating over the past handful of years. Books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and others have really left Christians confused on how to start a romantic relationship with someone. A former mentor and leader of the leadership program I went through in 2006-2007 has written a blook (blog + book) about a Method for Dating that I think is fantastic. It is the first piece of literature that I have read that really helps point Christians towards healthy dating and beginnings of a relationship. I've read this and it is changing the way I look at dating and relationships. I am choosing to read through it regularly. I really haven't asked a girl on a date, just a straight up date, since Stephanie (blegh) in 2009 (Wow, that was a long time ago) until I asked Amanda McKethan on a few dates this summer and fall. Now, with Amanda, she was an amazing girl and I think things could have really progressed had she not lived 3 hours away and I would have had a real opportunity to actually pursue her. I watched "We Bought a Zoo" on January 1st 2012 and was a little challenged to have 20 seconds of courage. That small of an investment will have one of two returns. A complete letdown of only 20 seconds (no big deal) or a complete success that could be life lasting. Hmmm... Sounds like an easy decision, right? It communicates worth, creates opportunity and is a doorway to unlocking life-altering connections with another person. So, why not? Rejection? Well, a "no" is just someone else's way of saving you time realizing you aren't compatible. So, really, there is no reason not to! Most girls WILL give a courtesy date after all. :) So, anyway, I proclaim, shout it out and WILL make more of an effort to go on dates.
The next step I need to make to be able to have a progressing relationship is be more clear and upfront with my intentions. Now, a former roommate of mine once told me that he decides within an hour of meeting every girl whether or not she is marriage material. He said if he meets a girl and find her attractive he is immediately evaluating whether he would want to pursue her or not. I am not that guy. He also is one who doesn't develop platonic friendships with women because he says it is "pointless". I've been told by many that it isn't a good idea to develop close friendships with the opposite sex because when you get married those friendships will typically end or change. I imagine those people are the same ones who don't eat because in the end it will just be poop (sarcasm). So, for me, I have lots of female friends and I deeply value them. I LOVE getting to know people. I ask a ton of questions and want to hear people's stories. Sometimes, this can be misconceived as flirtatiousness or romantic interest. Now sometimes, there is a little “what if” or attraction there, but I tend to not act upon that (as I've learned, all that is lovely is not good). So, it is easy to want to spend time and get to know someone to try to determine our compatibility through a series of interactions. If I am not clear, as I apparently have been in the past, it leads to confusion and heartache and that really awkward moment where a female friend decides I want to kiss her but am too shy to. That is a bad time to tell her I don't see us working out as a romantic couple. So, instead, I make remarks about seeing them as a friend and am intentional about the statement that if a girl want to know if a guy likes her, the best way is for her to wait for him to tell her he likes her, or assume he doesn't. If there is a girl I am interested in, I should be bold and let her know... after all, the worst thing that can happen is her not be interested and we both move on (and she misses out (; )
The next consideration concerning why I am I still single at this point in my life is that I surround myself with friendships with females. In all practicality, this doesn't HAVE to be a hindrance, and in many ways, it actually enhances my marriageability. Though, it is very easy to be lumped into “just one of the girls”, the “friend/brother” category, or even as a womanizer or too “safe” or effeminate. These are a diverse array of thoughts, but all things I have encountered. There is also the assumption that I get the female gratification and encouragement I need from my relationships with women. This difficulty usually turns out to be more of a problem for girls than my own personal hindrance, I believe. Because I am friends with so many females, there seems to often be a level of mysteriousness or differentiation that is absent when talking to me, as opposed to other guys. The problem with that, is friendships are usually formed on similarities, attraction to the differences. Many girls assume that a guy hanging with a group of girls either a. he Likes one, or b. One likes him. And, the kind of girls I prefer to attract are the kind that aren't going to step on another girl's toes to get to a guy. So, this could easily dissuade women. Regardless, I highly value my friendships with my female friends and will continue to have them, but will be more intentional to spend guy time with buddies. (Since I started writing this blog post that has taken FOREVER I have made a larger group of friendships with some guys. So, I'm no longer completely surrounded by girls.)
The final, and maybe most monumental, reason I am not married at this point in my life is I don't go many places where I can, or make en effort to, meet women. If you are usually surrounded by the same people, and you don't have/aren't seeking a romance with any of them, there is nearly no chance of developing a relationship. In today's society we are becoming more and more isolated with every new technological advancement. Because of this, we have had to turn to technology. So many of us work 50+ hours a week... or weird hours... and then, if you aren't into the bar scene, spend some time with friends maybe, go home and watch TV or play on the computer or whatever your interests are and we have little to no interaction with the outside population. Well, if you aren't planning to date within your typical social circle, you are in trouble. Work is not really a place to try to pursue someone, that's not very professional. So, we get on eHarmony, Match.com and PlentyofFish and seek out a cyber friend to possibly develop a romance with. This is not that bad of a thing if you meet through that medium and eventually in person. As for me, I've browsed the sites, but never really been impressed. There are too many uncertainties and awkwardnesses in my mind to pursue an eRomance. So, regardless of my presence on sites, which I've created several profiles, I've NEVER tried to pursue someone from them and don't think I will. So, I'm left with a need... a need to actually go places I can meet people. It is unlikely I will date within my Monday night Bible Study group. I spend my Wednesday's with the same crew... and often Saturday evening and Sunday lunch. So, I'm left with Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday morning and Sunday evening. I don't really have any options through my church, so I must seek outside of my normal schedule. I must intentionally go places I will meet other people. Events with intersecting (but not overlapping) groups, other Bible Study groups, feeding the hungry on Saturdays (I think that would be a great place to meet a woman!), Citygate and other networking possibilities. With that being said, if I will have just 20 seconds of boldness (as mentioned earlier) in a location where there is a chance to have that opportunity, my romantic life could be changed. As I finish this post... I see that some things have slightly changed over the past several months, but overall there are multiple things that have led me and suspended me in my current singleness. When I decide to make an effort and pursue the possibility of a relationship and am willing to do my part to make it happen, God will provide. I truly believe that all things are two part... God will provide when He believes it is best for us... I also believe it isn't best for me until I am willing to work toward it. I look forward to how God works in my heart to prepare me for the poor girl He has planned for me who must endure the huge task of partnering with me for life. I can say now as I see a bit of the man God is crafting me to be, that I understand why none of my relationships before have been successful and all HAD to end. I'm thankful for God's providence and over time will be working these things out to lead me to the front of a room some day... where a passionate daughter of the King will take the long tear-inciting march to the front of a room where I will be standing... shaking... knees weak, short-of-breath and completely humbled to be announced as her husband til death do us part.
Busyness is a way many people suppress (or just ignore I guess) their feelings and emotions. It keeps people from facing their reality face to face. If you are constantly going, doing and thinking about other things, it gets really easy to ignore the thoughts, the loneliness and the emotions that plague us. When you stop, slow down and take a breath, those feelings will often creep in. So, to avoid that, I, like many single people, keep myself so busy that I don't take time to really analyze and consider romantic prospects. Not only that, but it reduces the opportunity to try to develop those interests and meet new people. If you always have the feeling of busyness, it makes it harder to make time for others and to invest in relationships. Also, from an outside view if you always seem busy, it makes you less approachable and reduces the appearance of availability to those looking in. Slowing down, allowing for some flexible time and introspection will help me get to a place where I can spend the time necessary investing in others and myself for a chance at possible deeper relationships.
Not asking girls out on dates is a sure way to NEVER develop a healthy relationship. As the guy, a lot of the responsibility of the initiation of a romantic relationship is enveloped in the decision to take a girl on a date, continuing dates and beginning the pursuit. Christian culture has become so destructive to dating over the past handful of years. Books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and others have really left Christians confused on how to start a romantic relationship with someone. A former mentor and leader of the leadership program I went through in 2006-2007 has written a blook (blog + book) about a Method for Dating that I think is fantastic. It is the first piece of literature that I have read that really helps point Christians towards healthy dating and beginnings of a relationship. I've read this and it is changing the way I look at dating and relationships. I am choosing to read through it regularly. I really haven't asked a girl on a date, just a straight up date, since Stephanie (blegh) in 2009 (Wow, that was a long time ago) until I asked Amanda McKethan on a few dates this summer and fall. Now, with Amanda, she was an amazing girl and I think things could have really progressed had she not lived 3 hours away and I would have had a real opportunity to actually pursue her. I watched "We Bought a Zoo" on January 1st 2012 and was a little challenged to have 20 seconds of courage. That small of an investment will have one of two returns. A complete letdown of only 20 seconds (no big deal) or a complete success that could be life lasting. Hmmm... Sounds like an easy decision, right? It communicates worth, creates opportunity and is a doorway to unlocking life-altering connections with another person. So, why not? Rejection? Well, a "no" is just someone else's way of saving you time realizing you aren't compatible. So, really, there is no reason not to! Most girls WILL give a courtesy date after all. :) So, anyway, I proclaim, shout it out and WILL make more of an effort to go on dates.
The next step I need to make to be able to have a progressing relationship is be more clear and upfront with my intentions. Now, a former roommate of mine once told me that he decides within an hour of meeting every girl whether or not she is marriage material. He said if he meets a girl and find her attractive he is immediately evaluating whether he would want to pursue her or not. I am not that guy. He also is one who doesn't develop platonic friendships with women because he says it is "pointless". I've been told by many that it isn't a good idea to develop close friendships with the opposite sex because when you get married those friendships will typically end or change. I imagine those people are the same ones who don't eat because in the end it will just be poop (sarcasm). So, for me, I have lots of female friends and I deeply value them. I LOVE getting to know people. I ask a ton of questions and want to hear people's stories. Sometimes, this can be misconceived as flirtatiousness or romantic interest. Now sometimes, there is a little “what if” or attraction there, but I tend to not act upon that (as I've learned, all that is lovely is not good). So, it is easy to want to spend time and get to know someone to try to determine our compatibility through a series of interactions. If I am not clear, as I apparently have been in the past, it leads to confusion and heartache and that really awkward moment where a female friend decides I want to kiss her but am too shy to. That is a bad time to tell her I don't see us working out as a romantic couple. So, instead, I make remarks about seeing them as a friend and am intentional about the statement that if a girl want to know if a guy likes her, the best way is for her to wait for him to tell her he likes her, or assume he doesn't. If there is a girl I am interested in, I should be bold and let her know... after all, the worst thing that can happen is her not be interested and we both move on (and she misses out (; )
The next consideration concerning why I am I still single at this point in my life is that I surround myself with friendships with females. In all practicality, this doesn't HAVE to be a hindrance, and in many ways, it actually enhances my marriageability. Though, it is very easy to be lumped into “just one of the girls”, the “friend/brother” category, or even as a womanizer or too “safe” or effeminate. These are a diverse array of thoughts, but all things I have encountered. There is also the assumption that I get the female gratification and encouragement I need from my relationships with women. This difficulty usually turns out to be more of a problem for girls than my own personal hindrance, I believe. Because I am friends with so many females, there seems to often be a level of mysteriousness or differentiation that is absent when talking to me, as opposed to other guys. The problem with that, is friendships are usually formed on similarities, attraction to the differences. Many girls assume that a guy hanging with a group of girls either a. he Likes one, or b. One likes him. And, the kind of girls I prefer to attract are the kind that aren't going to step on another girl's toes to get to a guy. So, this could easily dissuade women. Regardless, I highly value my friendships with my female friends and will continue to have them, but will be more intentional to spend guy time with buddies. (Since I started writing this blog post that has taken FOREVER I have made a larger group of friendships with some guys. So, I'm no longer completely surrounded by girls.)
The final, and maybe most monumental, reason I am not married at this point in my life is I don't go many places where I can, or make en effort to, meet women. If you are usually surrounded by the same people, and you don't have/aren't seeking a romance with any of them, there is nearly no chance of developing a relationship. In today's society we are becoming more and more isolated with every new technological advancement. Because of this, we have had to turn to technology. So many of us work 50+ hours a week... or weird hours... and then, if you aren't into the bar scene, spend some time with friends maybe, go home and watch TV or play on the computer or whatever your interests are and we have little to no interaction with the outside population. Well, if you aren't planning to date within your typical social circle, you are in trouble. Work is not really a place to try to pursue someone, that's not very professional. So, we get on eHarmony, Match.com and PlentyofFish and seek out a cyber friend to possibly develop a romance with. This is not that bad of a thing if you meet through that medium and eventually in person. As for me, I've browsed the sites, but never really been impressed. There are too many uncertainties and awkwardnesses in my mind to pursue an eRomance. So, regardless of my presence on sites, which I've created several profiles, I've NEVER tried to pursue someone from them and don't think I will. So, I'm left with a need... a need to actually go places I can meet people. It is unlikely I will date within my Monday night Bible Study group. I spend my Wednesday's with the same crew... and often Saturday evening and Sunday lunch. So, I'm left with Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday morning and Sunday evening. I don't really have any options through my church, so I must seek outside of my normal schedule. I must intentionally go places I will meet other people. Events with intersecting (but not overlapping) groups, other Bible Study groups, feeding the hungry on Saturdays (I think that would be a great place to meet a woman!), Citygate and other networking possibilities. With that being said, if I will have just 20 seconds of boldness (as mentioned earlier) in a location where there is a chance to have that opportunity, my romantic life could be changed. As I finish this post... I see that some things have slightly changed over the past several months, but overall there are multiple things that have led me and suspended me in my current singleness. When I decide to make an effort and pursue the possibility of a relationship and am willing to do my part to make it happen, God will provide. I truly believe that all things are two part... God will provide when He believes it is best for us... I also believe it isn't best for me until I am willing to work toward it. I look forward to how God works in my heart to prepare me for the poor girl He has planned for me who must endure the huge task of partnering with me for life. I can say now as I see a bit of the man God is crafting me to be, that I understand why none of my relationships before have been successful and all HAD to end. I'm thankful for God's providence and over time will be working these things out to lead me to the front of a room some day... where a passionate daughter of the King will take the long tear-inciting march to the front of a room where I will be standing... shaking... knees weak, short-of-breath and completely humbled to be announced as her husband til death do us part.
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