In considering CS Lewis' words about giving it all to Christ I really have to examine myself. He speaks of the paradigm of our desire to maintain ourselves and be morally "good". He goes on to elaborate saying the more we cater to our conscience the more it demands of us. Eventually, if we are doing that on our own, we will tire, live for others and become grumbling and unhappy people stealing others joy and expecting accolades for being "good". The reality that only in Christ is our old self put to death, and our hearts made new. So, through Christ is the only way to Actually do "good" and be renewed. It has to be by completely giving oneself up to Him. For me, I have difficulty giving up to Him my time. It has been a struggle since early in my faith. I LOVE reading the Word and spending time in prayer and study, but get so selfish in my allocation of time, that I neglect my first love. Christ says, "Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work. I want You.". Wow! Wow! I know this, most of us do, but it is hard to forget. I need to let Him penetrate and take over my life completely. I am His. In my personal life I have experienced the laziness that is expressed when CS Lewis states how the boy who waits until the end of the semester to really learn his stuff works the hardest. It is the same way with Christ. In the areas of my life where I think I can handle it, I end up struggling the most because I've not submitted them to God. If we are seeking to pursue personal happiness by being morally "good", it will end indubitably, in frustration. If we try to will ourselves to do what is morally right and good, we are always having to deny ourselves of our carnal instincts. As animals, we strive to survive. We strive to conquer. We strive to mate. If those are our natural inclinations, if we are just choosing to act "good", we will never be satisfied. Even the good we do is out of obligation and selfish desires, which will just leave us embittered. We have to DIE to ourselves and be given a new heart in order to have the Spirit work through us to make our lives "good"in a way where we will not grow weary of doing good. Being a Christian, however, is a costly thing. It takes dying to yourself, giving up earthly pleasures and our own natural desires and giving it all to God to renew us. Personally it has cost me being a dr, making lots of money, relationships, friendships, carnal lustful desires for things and relationships, time, ridicule, and being ostracized at times by people I love. I must remember everyday to wage against the world and remember to whom I surrender and to whom I belong. Thank
You God for setting me free from myself and the world. Thank you for loving me. You are worth the greatest costs and I give my all to you. Amen.
